Happy Halloween: I want to suck your blood (don’t be afraid, it’s just a title to shock people into reading this, I think)

When I was a kid, I loved dressing up as a vampire. I enjoyed saying, “I vant to suck your blood!”

Now that I’m older, and today’s Halloween, I’m wondering this: do vampires actually say that?

I’ve read Dracula, and I’m pretty sure nobody say that. I know if I were a vampire, I probably wouldn’t say it to my victims/sources of nourishment. Do you say to your apple, “I want to chew on you until I reach youyr core, and then I’ll throw that inedible part of you away.”? I guess an apple can’t answer back, whereas a person can, so it would make more sense for a vampire to declare their intentions to their prey than it would for me to discuss mine with my apples. (I do sometimes talk to my iPad, but that Apple has a capital A, and I don’t think it would taste so great.)

I wonder which is more romantic: the stealthy vampire who doesn’t discuss what’s going to happen, or the one who tells the truth and says, loudly and clearly, “Hi. I’m a vampire, and I want to suck your blood.”

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